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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25800799">No Place Like Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harleythegeekqueen/pseuds/Harleythegeekqueen'>Harleythegeekqueen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MCU, MCU AU - Fandom, Marvel, Marvel AU - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Implied Smut, Language, TW - Motorcycle Accident, tw - miscarriage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 10:20:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25800799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harleythegeekqueen/pseuds/Harleythegeekqueen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Growing up with Steve and his friends wasn’t so bad as long as Bucky had your back. That reassurance quickly blossoms to love and a happy ever after is just within reach, but sometimes life takes an unexpected turn.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bucky Barnes x Reader, Clint Barton x Natasha Romanoff, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter, Tony stark x pepper potts, Tony x You, bucky barnes x you, bucky x reader - Relationship, bucky x you, tony stark x reader, tony stark x you, tony x reader - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I’ve worked on this and I’m in the process of rewriting some but I offer the prologue for my next series and it’s loosely based on Sweet Home Alabama. All errors are my own, gifs/photos found on Google unless noted above, and as always thank you so much for reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>17 Years Ago </b>
</p><p>           “Stevie!” the little seven-year-old girl whined struggling to keep up with her brother as he raced his bike ahead with his friends. She didn’t like always being left to play alone or the fact he’d leave her behind. She stopped at the tree watching Steve, Sam, and Clint race ahead towards the playground without her. She sunk back tears brimming when a hand lands on her shoulder.</p><p>           “Don’t cry, Y/N,” Bucky was always looking after you. “Steve’s a punk but he loves you. Come on.”</p><p>           “He doesn’t want me to play Bucky,” you weep but he climbs on his bike holding out his hand.</p><p>           “Trust me, Princess,” you smile at the nickname and Bucky helps you take a seat on his handlebars. “Now hold on and we’ll give those punk’s a run for their money.” Bucky takes off following after but being mindful not to go over any bumps so you won’t fall. Before long he passes Steve and the other boys while you stick your tongue out at them.</p><p>
  <b>8 Years Ago</b>
</p><p>           “I’m sorry, Y/N,” Steve pulled you into a hug. “You want me to take care of Brock.”</p><p>           “No, Stevie. I should’ve known better. I’m just embarrassed that I went through all the trouble to go to this stupid dance and he’s taking someone else. I mean the dress took forever to sew and it’s just a waste.”</p><p>           “Well, why don’t you go with your friends?”</p><p>           “All my friends have dates. Plus I don’t want to go and see Brock with someone else. I’ll just stay home and marathon Star Wars or something,” you kiss Steve’s cheek. “But I want lots of pictures of you and Peggy. Ma wouldn’t believe you finally asked her out.”</p><p>           “I don’t want to leave you home alone,” Steve managed but it was weak.</p><p>           “Steven Grant Rogers you better go get ready and take Peggy to that dance or I’ll kick your ass myself.”</p><p>           “Fine,” Steve relented. “I’ll go but we’ll do something with the whole gang next weekend. Maybe bowling?”</p><p>           “Alright you punk,” you shove Steve away pulling a blanket overlap and picking up the remote.</p><p>           Steve headed upstairs to change before stopping, “No more hanging out with Bucky either. Calling me Punk like he isn’t the biggest punk we know.”</p><p>           “Quit stalling Stevie. I’ll be fine,” you throw a pillow at him while his laugh filters from upstairs. Once you’re sure he is gone you take a deep breath and let the stray tears fall. You knew it was stupid to allow yourself to think Brock actually liked you, but it just felt nice at the thought anyone did. But for now, you’d enjoy a quiet evening with Han Solo and Princess Leia.</p><p>           Two hours later you stood up stretching and having a little restroom break. On the way back a soft knock sounded on the front door catching you off guard. You were certainly not expecting anyone and all of your friends were at the dance. Cautiously peering out the eye hole the panic subsided and happiness overtook you as you opened the door to Bucky. He had a pizza, six-pack of Pepsi, he was dressed up but his tie was missing and the top few buttons are undone, and the bruised knuckles didn’t go amiss either.</p><p>           “Bucky, what are you doing here? What happened?”</p><p>           “Steve told me what Brock did so I thought I’d spend the evening with you watching Star Wars. Seems more fun than some stupid dance,” he looks away. “So can I come in? I got your favorite pizza.”</p><p>           “And what happened to your hand?” you ask opening up the door for him as he passed you.</p><p>           “Brock and I had a conversation and I didn’t like what he had to say,” he smirked setting down the pizza and drinks on the coffee table.</p><p>           The conversation passed slowly over the pizza and the Empire Strikes Back. You’d rubbed some lotion on his knuckles but nothing else had been said about how he had received them. The movie continued as Han stepped into the pit to be frozen.</p><p>“I love you,” Princess Leia said and without a pause, you responded with “I know” almost the same time as Han himself and Bucky too. You each shared a nervous glance and chuckled before focusing back on the movie. You couldn’t lie that since you had blossomed into a teenager that you didn’t exactly see Bucky as a big brother like figure anymore. But you were Steve Roger’s baby sister and Buck would never see you that way.</p><p>           “I have a question,” Bucky says pulling you from your thoughts and Luke’s fight with Vader.</p><p>           “Sure,” you shrugged.</p><p>           “Did you really sew your dress?”</p><p>           You blush looking away, “I didn’t find one I liked so I created one.”</p><p>           “And Brock ruined your night to wear it?”</p><p>           “Pretty much,” you mutter.</p><p>           “Could I see it?” you’re shocked at his request but he’s looking down and you can see his cheeks are rosy.</p><p>           “Yeah I can show you my dress,” you stand but Bucky takes your hand stopping you in your tracks.</p><p>           “No I mean will you put it on. I want to see your dress,” he pauses. “But I want to see you in it if that’s okay?”</p><p>           You swallow and then nod, “Absolutely give me a minute.”</p><p>           <a href="https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.davidsbridal.com%2FProduct_off-the-shoulder-lace-corset-plus-size-gown-8120gr5w&amp;t=OGQzMjI0OGE1NjRiMzQ4YTIzMzU0NDU4MjkyNDNlZmI2ZjY5NThmMCxSUGZhRkxJNg%3D%3D&amp;b=t%3A8ptHxLG97OGsa0ohbjx_OA&amp;p=https%3A%2F%2Fdocharleythegeekqueen.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F625961735483965440%2Fno-place-like-home-prologue&amp;m=1&amp;ts=1596963697">The dress is easy to slip into but the issues remain with the zipper up the back, “Bucky I can’t get the zipper up.”</a></p><p>           “Okay I’ll close my eyes and you come to stand in front and I’ll zip it and then you can turn and I’ll open my eyes. That okay?”</p><p>           “Perfect,” you peeked around the corner and sure enough his eyes were closed. You tiptoe quickly standing in front of him giving direction while trying to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, “Straight ahead Barnes.”</p><p>           Bucky’s hands find your back and you shiver as he quickly finds your zipper and the sound is the only thing in the room, “Okay doll.”</p><p>           With another deep breath, you turn around, “Open your eyes.”</p><p>           Bucky’s eyes flutter open and he steps forward, “Y/N.” He doesn’t say anything but pulls out his cellphone and with a few taps music is playing. He tosses his phone and curtseys, “May I have this dance?”</p><p>           “You want to dance with me?” you are stunned.</p><p>           “It would be an honor,” Bucky is nervous, which is something you never thought you’d see in your entire life. “May I?”</p><p>           “Yes please,” Bucky pulls you into his arms and begins slowly swaying with the song. Each song is soft and slow eventually leading you to rest your head on his chest but continues swaying.</p><p>           “It’s a beautiful dress doll. I’m sorry you didn’t get to show off your hard work,” it feels like hours before Bucky speaks but the compliment makes your heart speed up.</p><p>           It makes you feel a little brave as you sit step back to look at his face, “Well, you get to see it Bucky and that’s what matters to me.”</p><p>           His smile is infectious and he leans down, “Then how would you feel if I kissed you?” It comes out like a question but it’s quiet almost like he’s afraid it will scare you off.</p><p>           “I think it would be the best thing to happen to me,” you answer and before you can finish the thought his lips are pressed to yours. Bucky is gentle and doesn’t seek to deepen it. He pulls back leading you back to the couch. You cuddle back into his side as he cuts his phone off and the next Star Wars movie begins.</p><p>           “Would you like to my girl?” he asks but still doesn’t look down even as his arm wraps around you pulling you tight.</p><p>           “Aren’t you afraid of Steve?”</p><p>           “No just afraid you don’t feel the same.”</p><p>           “I think I’ve always been your girl Bucky,” you lean up kissing him again. By the time Steve and his friends return for an after-party no one is really all that surprised to find you both snuggled up on the couch with Bucky’s jacket resting over your shoulders.</p><p>           “Well, it certainly took him a bloody long time,” Peggy chuckled pulling Steve and gesturing for Sam and Clint and their dates Natasha and Wanda to join them.</p><p>           “Good for him,” Wanda commented as they went to the basement living the lovebirds to rest.</p><p>
  <b>Six Years Ago</b>
</p><p>           “Happy Anniversary,” he whispers into your ear as he finishes hooking the clasp of the necklace.</p><p>The locket is not as heavy as you expected but it fits perfectly in the center of your chest, “Bucky, this is beautiful.”</p><p>           “I took the picture from the night when we watched <em>Star Wars</em> and I told you how I felt.”</p><p>           “Our first night as a couple,” you smile taking his hands into yours. He looks at you with such adoration that you ache pressing into him softly caressing his lips with yours. He pulls you onto his lap running his hands up along your back.</p><p>           “I love you, Y/N Rogers. I swear as soon as you graduate I’m going to make an honest woman out of you and have you as my wife,” his hands rest on your hips. The pads of his thumbs running over your skin just under the shirt you’re wearing.</p><p>           “You know Bucky we have the house to ourselves all night. Steve and Peggy won’t be back until tomorrow afternoon,” you licked your lips grinding down on your boyfriend. “Why don’t we make this anniversary really special?”</p><p>           “Fuck, Doll, are you sure?” Bucky groans his hands moving from your hips up under your shirt.</p><p>           “I’m sure. I want you,” Bucky picks you up pressing kisses all over your face. He passes the halls into your bedroom kicking the door shut behind.</p><p>
  <b>Five Years and Four Months Ago</b>
</p><p>“I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Barnes, you may kiss the bride,” the pastor announced and Bucky kissed you sweetly his hand resting on the small bump at your belly.</p><p>           It wasn’t ideal or even what either of you had planned for life but when you found out you were pregnant you both agreed to go ahead and get married. It was inevitable anyway so why not just go for it before your child was born. Everyone understood and you couldn’t be happier.</p><p>           The happiness lasted for two weeks and then everything went to hell.</p><p>           Bucky had taken to working a third shift job at a nearby factory putting his college plans on hold until the baby was born. Meanwhile, Bucky moved in with you and Steve while Steve began spending more and more time with Peggy. It was working out until you woke up with sharp pains and blood saturating your sheets. No one was home to take you to the hospital and the ambulance seemed to take forever. By the time you made it to the hospital, there was nothing the doctors could do. Bucky made it just as the doctor gave you the official declaration of a miscarriage. Your baby had grown for six months but now was gone.</p><p>           “I’m sorry Bucky,” you reached for your husband and he backed away shaking his head. He looked utterly defeated and heartbroken.</p><p>           “I need a minute,” he muttered as he disappeared from the room. You broke down as Steve and Peggy held you.</p><p>           Things only worsened from that night. Bucky took on more shifts and when he did come home he’d usually bring a case of beer with him. Often passing out on the couch and leaving you alone. Steve and your other friends all tried talking to him but he kept you at arms-length and soon you didn’t know the man you’d grown up next to and now called husband.</p><p>           “Bucky, baby,” you knelt at the couch on your knees one of Bucky’s old flannel shirts wrapped around you. His hair had gotten long and you brushed it back from his forehead, “Bucky, please don’t make me lose you too.” It had been two months since your miscarriage and you just wanted Bucky to hold you.</p><p>           Bucky opened his eyes with a huff. The smell of stale beer washing over you making you feel sick. Bucky pushed himself up, “What did you wake me up for? I’ve got a shift tonight.”</p><p>           “I know but I just want you to come to bed. I need you Bucky,” you felt helpless as you began crying. “Please come to bed with me.”</p><p>           “I can’t. I just can’t Y/N.”</p><p>           “Why Bucky? Please don’t shut me out. I need you and you need me,” you pleaded reaching for his hands.</p><p>           Bucky pushed your hands away standing up, “I can’t touch you Y/N.”</p><p>           You almost couldn’t breathe, “What? Why?” You struggled not to breakdown in sobs.</p><p>           “Because I can’t,” Bucky moved around the couch grabbing his jacket and his motorcycle helmet. “I’m going to Clint’s place.”</p><p>           “James, you’ve been drinking.” You only used his first name when it was being particularly difficult.</p><p>           “I can take care of myself,” he slammed the door as he left and you fell down on the couch crying out for your husband and your child. Peggy had stayed over and ran to comfort you but no matter how tightly she held you it just wasn’t what you needed. You needed your husband, you need your Bucky.</p><p>           That evening the knock sounded that would change your life forever. You opened the door to find Clint and Natasha, both looking somber as they told you the news that Bucky had been in an accident. Natasha and Peggy helped you dress and ushered you into the waiting car. Steve was waiting at the hospital.</p><p>           “Steve, what happened?”</p><p>           “Bucky was late for work and was going too fast on his bike. Then this truck ran a red light and hit him. They won’t tell me what’s going on. I don’t know anything,” Steve was struggling to hold himself together.</p><p>           You spun heading for the sign-in desk, “Please I’m Y/N Barnes and I need to know where my husband James Barnes is.”</p><p>           The nurse looks at the computer, “He’s in surgery right now and the doctor will update you as soon as he can.”</p><p>           “Can’t you tell me anything?” you plead.</p><p>           “I’m sorry ma’am I don’t know more beyond that.”</p><p>           Steve wrapped his arms around you and guided you back to an uncomfortable waiting room chair. The hours ticked by and still no word beyond the fact the Bucky was still in surgery. At least for the moment, he was alive, which is what you desperately cling to because you can’t lose Bucky too.</p><p>           “Mrs. Barnes?”</p><p>           Your head pops up as a man approaches, “I’m Dr. Banner.” He holds out his hand and you jump to your feet shaking it eagerly.</p><p>           “My husband?”</p><p>           “He’s in recovery at the moment, but I should warn you that he has a long road ahead,” the doctor removes his glasses with a deep breath and you know this can’t be good. “Mrs. Barnes I’m sorry but due to the wreck, your husband lost his left arm just at the shoulder. We attempted to reattach it but we were unable to do so.”</p><p>           “Dear God,” you choked covering your mouth in horror. “What else?”</p><p>           “That’s the worst. Blood loss, both legs are broken, some cracked ribs and bruising but with time and physical therapy he should make a full recovery.”</p><p>           “Full recovery? He lost his arm,” you retort angrily.</p><p>           “Yes, but given the prosthetics on the market he can easily live a full life.”</p><p>           “Thank you, Doctor,” Steve steps forward. “Can she see him?”</p><p>           “Yes,” the doctor turns gesturing down the hallway. “He’s sleeping but as his wife, she can stay with him if she’d like.”</p><p>           Steve walked you back to Bucky’s room. You sobbed rushing forward taking his right hand tightly in yours. He was hooked up to oxygen and an IV but at least he had some color in his cheeks. You teared up again looking at the bandage wrapped around his chest and tightly round his shoulder where his left arm should’ve been. You leaned over kissing his forehead and settled into the chair that Steve had pulled up for you. He promised to return but your attention was focused solely on Bucky. You weren’t going anywhere until he woke up. For four days you stayed at his bedside. You’d get up long enough to use the restroom or change clothes as Steve brought them but otherwise, you get vigil. If Bucky woke up anytime soon you wanted to be there for him. He was going to need you now more than ever. Or at least so you thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You’re living your dream life in New York after tragedy sent you running from home. You’re dating a great man and performing like you’ve always dreamed, but one phone call ruins everything.</p>
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  <p>
    <strong>CHAPTER ONE - Present</strong>
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  <p>The applause was music in your ears. The hands of your cast mates were tightly gripping on yours as you took your bow. Playing understudy for the last three years hadn’t prepared you for the feeling like this. To be the star of the show and have that applause and single spotlight bow before joining the cast. As much as the Frozen mania had gotten on your nerves you were thankful now as it finally landed you the lead in the Broadway version. Not to mention thanks to your performance you’d be performing before the Macy’s parade on Thanksgiving. Offers began pouring in to book you for your next performance once your run as Anna was over, but for now you were happier than you’d been in years.</p>
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  <p>    You changed carefully out of your costume slipping on a soft dress and pulling your jacket on tightly. New York was chiller than anyone had ever warned you about but at least you’d have a car waiting once you left. Emerging from the side door you signed a few autographs still in disbelief anyone would want it but then again you were no longer little Y/N Rogers but Broadway starlet Y/N Black and girlfriend of tech mogul Tony Stark.</p>
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  <p>    “There she is,” speaking of the devil. Tony bounced off the limo he’d been leaning against. “There is my songstress, my siren, my love.”</p>
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  <p>    “You’re crazy Tony. Did you like the show?” you let him wrap you in his arms kissing you softly on the forehead.</p>
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  <p>    “I loved it. You were amazing. I need to get Pepper tickets to bring her nieces and nephews to see you,” Tony mentioned Pepper and you smiled thinking of his executive assistant.</p>
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  <p>    “I think that would be amazing. Plus she deserves a break from you,” you teased as he helped you into the limo. You blew a kiss at Happy in the driver’s seat as Tony climbed in nodding to Happy who pulled seamlessly into busy New York traffic.</p>
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  <p>    “I love when you two gang up on me,” he pulled your feet into his lap taking off your shoes and began massaging your feet. He knew you hated heels and with dancing in them for a long time he knew you’d need a little care, “Are you hungry love?”</p>
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  <p>    “I could eat handsome. Have you eaten today? Or did you stay in your lab all day until Pepper pulled you out?”</p>
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  <p>    “The second one, but it’s only because I’m working with this new prosthetic company. It’s really cutting edge stuff. I mean seamless integration with the human body. I’ve never seen anything like it.”</p>
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  <p>    “That’s amazing. I’m glad you can help them,” for a moment you allowed your mind to wonder back home but stopped yourself. That was the past and it was nothing but pain.</p>
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  <p>    Happy dropped you off outside of an expensive looking building. You’d never been here before but Tony was insistent and hurried you inside. Unfortunately, it was dark inside and Tony vanished, "Tony? Tony, what the hell?”</p>
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  <p>    You followed along the wall until you finally caught something glowing. It was fairy lights strung around a sign next to an elevator saying Come on Up. Tony loved to do funny things so you went with it opening the elevator. There was a little arrow over the button marked penthouse and you pressed it. Whatever game Tony was playing out you’d play along but when the doors opened your mouth fell open in surprise. It took the doors trying to shut again before you realized you needed to get off and climbed out.</p>
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  <p>    The view was spectacular but the candles, fairy lights, and rose petals took your breath away. It was romantic and soft piano music began playing. You walked further into the penthouse and were shocked to find Tony himself playing the piano. You shrugged your jacket off and came to him sitting next to him on the bench where he hummed along to whatever song he was playing. It was familiar but you couldn’t quite make it out.</p>
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  <p>  “Surprise,” he spoke turning to you. “What do you think?”</p>
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  <p>  “I think this place is stunning and the company isn’t so bad either,” you nudged his shoulder.</p>
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  <p>  “I know it’s fast but I thought maybe we could take our relationship to the next level. How would you like to move in here with me?”</p>
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  <p>  “Move in together? Are you sure you’re ready for that Tony? You’re the commitment-phobic one not me?”</p>
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  <p>  “That’s the last time I send you and Pepper out on a girl’s shopping trip,” he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and produced a small velvet box from the other.  </p>
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  <p>“How about we push it a little further?”</p>
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  <p>    “Tony?” you stare at the box afraid to open it. You swallow nervously as Tony does the honor opening to reveal the huge glittering ring from Harry Winston.</p>
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  <p>    “Y/N Black will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Stark?”</p>
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  <p>    “Oh my god, are you serious? Yes! Yes I’ll marry you!”</p>
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  <p>    Tony pushed the ring on and it fit perfectly. He wrapped your arms around him and picked you up putting you on the keys of the piano. Accidently, of course, but once you stopped laughing at the off key music you allowed Tony to lead you to the bedroom. There was certainly one way to celebrate an engagement and new home.</p>
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  <p>    The next week was a new level of strange for you. Paparazzi seemed to be tailing you to and from rehearsal and shows. Happy now drove you back and forth for extra precautions. People were calling your agent for interviews and it was overwhelming. On top of that Tony’s father was a state senator and you had to have dinner with him tonight when Tony told him the good news.</p>
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  <p>    “How is his dad?” you asked Pepper as she helped you search for a dress to wear to meet Tony’s dad.</p>
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  <p>    “Howard is like any politician. He means well but ultimately he’s available to the highest bidder but at least the highest bidder happens to have morals in this case. Howard’s a good man but he can be stern.”</p>
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  <p>    “How does he feel about Broadway actresses?” you ask nervous about the answer.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>    “He may ask you what your real job is but I believe Tony will take care of that,” Pepper smiled. “<a href="https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ever-pretty.com%2Fproducts%2Fplus-size-long-empire-waist-evening-dress-with-short-flutter-sleeves-epp9890&amp;t=ZmJlYjk2NzcxN2JiYzY4NmE2NWNlOTU5OGViZmI4NTc4MDQzMzQ3ZiwzNGNlZTkxNzkzZGYxNjEzNTc1ZDI5MjdlODE2M2RlYjc3NmNjZTFl&amp;ts=1610338418">Now here’s the dress you should wear.</a>”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>    “Wow! This is beautiful and I love the color.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>    “I think it will look good and it’s slightly conservative in case Howard is feeling testy.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Thanks Pep! I mean seriously I’d be completely lost without your guidance.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s my pleasure. I like you Y/N and I think you’re good for Tony. Not to mention you’re the only girl who hasn’t treated me badly since I’m his assistant.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“That’s ridiculous. You are amazing Pepper and it’s so stupid for them to be rude to you.”</p>
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  <p>“Well screw them we have each other. Mind if I do your make-up?” Pepper asked, pulling your makeup bag from the vanity.</p>
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  <p>“I’d love that. I’ve gotten used to it since they do it for the show and honestly I suck at it.” Pepper giggled and set to work so that your make-up would match the green of the dress Pepper had selected. You had come to trust Pepper more than any other person in your life besides Tony. Without either you doubt your stay in New York would have been as fruitful.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Tony, he hates me,” you hiss as Tony spins you around the dance floor. You were thankful for the reprieve from the tense dinner with Howard. Pepper’s advice had been helpful but Howard was unfortunately testy as she put it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well he’s a dick. I don’t need his approval to marry you. I just wanted him to meet you,” Tony wiggles his eyebrows. “It’s his problem if he doesn’t like you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Still I don’t want him to hate me or think I’m using you. I’m not doing that Tony. I love you,” you kiss his cheek and squeeze his hand.</p>
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  <p>“I know you do Y/N. That’s my Dad and his bullshit. I know you love me for me and he’ll get over it. Now dance with me,” Tony shushed the rest of the conversation refusing to allow Howard to ruin the evening together.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>All too soon you had to return to the table. Howard kept his gaze on you, “So aren’t you a lot younger than my son?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Somewhat yes,” you answered. “But we make each other happy.”</p>
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  <p>Howard rolls his eyes, “Dad, if you can’t play nice we’ll leave.”</p>
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  <p>Howard and Tony level glares at one another and the awkwardness of the moment is almost too much. You sip at your wine, “How about the clean energy policy you are working on in committee Senator Stark?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Howard looks up with surprise evident on his face, “You’ve heard about that?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m a big believer that solar energy is the future of energy and the best way to combat climate change despite it already being an issue.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I agree. Tony’s helped me with some clean energy solutions with his technology.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The conversation seemed to lose its tension as you engaged Howard on his work.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>By the end of the night he was more civil and even offered you a hug. Happy was waiting as Tony ushered you into the car and turned to speak with his father. Meanwhile, Happy climbed in and buckled his seat belt, “How was dinner?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well he hated me and now tolerates me I guess. So good?” you looked at Happy as you both tried to contain your laughter. Tony looked tense in his brows but his smirk ever present.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“If it makes you feel better, the last girl Tony introduced left before ordering in tears.”</p>
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  <p>“Seriously?” you look out the window as Tony stiffly hugs his father. “Well that’s a win in my book then.”</p>
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  <p>“Never doubted you for a second,” Happy chuckles.</p>
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  <p>The door opens and Tony slides in next to you kissing your cheek, “You okay?”</p>
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  <p>“I’m awesome! I didn’t leave in tears and I got a hug. He might not like me but his opinion doesn’t matter to me.” You wrap your arms around Tony’s shoulders moving your dress to straddle his legs, “Now how about we go home and take a nice hot bubble bath.”</p>
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  <p>“How can I resist? Happy gonna need a little privacy,” Tony manages and the partition goes up.</p>
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  <p>Tony doesn’t want you to leave the bed the next morning, but life goes on. The coffee shop near the theater was a bit famous for catering to the darlings of Broadway. It helped that they served the best chai tea that you’d ever had. Your friend and one of the techs at the theater Wade say across from you drinking what you were pretty sure was straight espresso.</p>
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  <p>“So what’s the sex like?”</p>
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  <p>“Oh my god, Wade,” you groaned. “It’s good. He’s very attentive.”</p>
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  <p>“Gross,” he spit but you could see the mirth in his eyes. “Have you started planning anything and what is my role?”</p>
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  <p>“Of course I have,” you replied. “We’re visiting some potential venues in two weeks and I’ll be dress shopping soon. Would you like to go?”</p>
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  <p>“You know I’m going. Mind if I bring Vanessa?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No. I need her good taste and as for your role? Interested in being my best</p>
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  <p>man?”</p>
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  <p>Wade sat up all laughter gone, “Are you serious?”</p>
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  <p>“Yeah you’re my best friend and I want you by my side. It’s a big day.”</p>
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  <p>“It is a big day,” Wade leaned forward. “Are you going to call your brother?”</p>
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  <p>“I called him. He knows I’m engaged. He said Peggy saw it on the internet.”</p>
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  <p>“Is he going to come to the wedding? Walk you down the aisle like a good big brother.”</p>
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  <p>“I assumed he would. I didn’t really ask him.”</p>
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  <p>            "Do you think he'll tell you know who?" Wade asks and you know it's something you should have considered. You close your eyes seeing those storm blue eyes filled with adoration. A warm hand on your cheek and vows that were so easily forgotten when things got hard.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>            A sigh escapes your lips and you look up at Wade concern on his face, "It doesn't matter Wade. Steve can tell him or not. His feelings don't matter anymore."</p>
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  <p>            "Good answer," Wade squeezes your hand and changes the conversation. That's why he's your best friend, he understands.</p>
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  <p>             Wade is talking about his new neighbor a woman named Blind Al when your phone begins buzzing. It goes to voicemail and then immediately begins buzzing again. You pick it up recognizing the number answering it, "Hey Foggy what's up?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>             Foggy keeps talking fast and in circles. He does that when he's nervous but he keeps saying your name and apologizing, "God I'm a terrible lawyer." Foggy finally grows quiet before asking, "So do you think you can handle that?"</p>
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  <p>             "Wait, Foggy. Sorry you were going so fast. Repeat what you said but slower," you laugh as Wade makes faces.</p>
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  <p>              "Fuck, Y/N, I'm sorry. You're still married to Barnes. He never signed the papers. He won't return my calls so I need you to get in touch with him or at least get him to sign the papers. If he doesn't you can't get married."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>              "Foggy you can't joke like this. I have shows all week and do you really expect him to answer the phone for me?"</p>
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  <p>              Foggy sighs, "I know Y/N I'm sorry. I'll keep trying. I'll call you back tonight I'm heading into court."</p>
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  <p>            The phone clicks off and you pull it away staring at the screen wishing you could crush the phone in your hands. Why the hell didn't he sign the damn papers? Tony couldn't find out about this. Hell, you'd never even told him you were married before or that you had been pregnant. Your free hand moves resting on your stomach remembering the small bump that never grew.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>            "Fuck," you toss your phone to the table.</p>
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  <p>            "What happened?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>            "I'm still fucking married!"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>            "What to him?" Wade says clearly knowing hearing Bucky's name now will only make it worse.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>            "Yes! Foggy just found out he didn't sign the divorce papers. I guess he just kept sending them back. Tony doesn't know. How do I tell him legally I'm still married. Fuck!" You put your head down trying not to cry. You promised to never shed another tear over Bucky Barnes.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>             "What a twat waffle," Wade comments. "Maybe you should just tell Tony."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>             "No I need to handle this. I'll come up with something and take off. My understudy deserves some stage time and I could use the break anyway."</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>             "Wait a minute," Wade leans forward. "Are you going home?"</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>              You don't answer turning over the ideas in your head. The papers had to be signed right away and right now all you could do was go and show him you're happy and he needs to let you go. He had his chance and he ruined it. "He's going to sign the papers and I'm going to marry Tony. I deserve the happily ever after he ripped away from me."</p>
</div>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Home Sweet Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You make a rash decision to return home and force Bucky to sign the papers and return before either your brother or fiancé knows about the impromptu visit. However, nothing ever goes to plan.</p>
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</div><p>“How was the flight?” Wade asks through the car speaker.</p><p>“Stressful. I hate flying but this car is nice.”</p><p>“Oh, well, that’s a bonus,” Wade goes quiet. “You sure you shouldn’t get Steve to go with you.”</p><p>“Steve doesn’t know I’m in town and I want to keep it that way. I want to be in and out.”</p><p>Wade groans, “I don’t want to say it but I think it’s a mistake not to see your brother.”</p><p>“He’s the sheriff, Wade. I don’t want to do this nor admit that I’m still married to his best friend.”</p><p>“Wait, they're still best friends?”</p><p>“Evidently, Peggy told me but I just chose to ignore it. He and Steve were inseparable and I want no part of it.”</p><p>“That’s fucked up,” Wade’s fiancée Vanessa is suddenly on the phone. “Your brother should have kicked his ass.”</p><p>“Hey Ness how’s it going?” you giggle.</p><p>“Oh just listening to Wade bemoan you not taking him with you. Why couldn’t you have done me a favor?”</p><p>“Because then I’d have to listen to him cry over missing you. Only one of us should have to suffer and you’re marrying him.”</p><p>“I’m sitting here and I’m offended. I don’t whine all the time.”</p><p>“Yes you do,” you and Vanessa said together then both lost it.</p><p>They bid their good luck and good byes leaving you to travel the last twenty or so minutes alone. You don’t bother turning on the radio concentrating on just seeing him again. Bucky. Just thinking his name brings thousands of memories to the forefront. Bucky had been by your side since you were a child always making you feel included and eventually falling in love, that night of Prom and Star Wars. Before you know what you’re doing you pull over and rest your head against the steering wheel.</p><p>With a few calming breaths that your therapist had taught you the world seems to come back into focus and you can breathe again. You reach for your phone and search Google maps for the address Foggy had forwarded you for Barnes. The address seemed familiar but nothing concrete in your memories. Foggy didn't have a job listed just a home address so you'd have to start there. You didn't like the idea of being alone but as you told Wade getting Steve involved was not something you wanted to do. Although you knew Steve would side with you given the choice you wouldn’t do that to Steve. He was a good man and he couldn’t help what happened in his friend and sister’s marriage.</p><p>As you grew closer to your destination the reason it seemed so familiar is that your dream house was near here. Well, really the plot of land that you and Bucky had always dreamed of buying. Nice flat open spaces with woods and access to the nearby lake. It was going to be your little slice of heaven. The dreams you’d made before life got hard and shattered all around you.</p><p>“Your destination will be ahead on your left,” the soothing automated voice announced. You slowed parking along the street and looked up at Bucky’s home.</p><p>
  <a href="https://www.familyhomeplans.com/plan_details.cfm?PlanNumber=51990&amp;OrderCode=FB101&amp;fbclid=IwAR09COZ4zX-DL7ekuYslpDFlI5ALgLZhcARx248i3d8in7-OrJYNy43j9Eo">It was like something you would have only dreamed of when you were younger. It was a simple cottage home with double wood front doors and a large garage, the perfect home for a family. The flower beds surrounding the front of the house were really landscaped well. You never had much of a green thumb but Bucky always did. It didn’t surprise you how lovely the flowers looked and how beautiful the home was.</a>
</p><p>“Stupid feelings,” you growl picking up the folder with the divorce papers. Your fingers itch as you pick up your cell phone looking at the picture of you and Tony. You should have told him the truth. He was a ladies man at one point and he would forgive the skeletons in your closet. Now you not only didn’t tell him about James but you lied about coming home. “I’m an idiot.” You’d tell him as soon as you got back but this had to be taken care of quickly.</p><p>The walk to the door was shorter than it looked from the car. Your hand was raised to knock on the door when it opened quickly. You froze locking eyes with the beautiful red haired woman at your door. Beautiful really didn’t cover it but you didn’t want to dwell on it plus you were staring at her for too long. She raised an eyebrow at you as you dropped your hand, “Can I help you?”</p><p>You stammered, “Sorry. I don’t mean to intrude I’m looking for James.”</p><p>“James, huh?” she eyed you. “He’s out back. Come on.”</p><p>She held the door open and you went inside crushing the paper’s tightly to your chest. You don’t know why you felt so protective of them but you were in it now and committed, “Can I get you something to drink? We are setting up for a cookout so I have all kinds of drinks available?”</p><p>“Oh a cookout? No that’s okay, thank you though. Are you James’ girlfriend?” Why the hell did you ask that?</p><p>She laughed, “God no. My fiancé works for him. I offered to help him set up for the cookout.”</p><p>“Oh that’s kind of you.”</p><p>“How do you know James?”</p><p>“Old friends.” It slips out quickly. It’s not really a lie but it does gloss over a fair amount of your relationship.</p><p>She hums and you know she wants to press but thankfully she doesn’t. While you follow her you look around the home. It looks like something out of a magazine, which in a way makes you sad. It’s a home but not lived in or maybe it’s just pristine for whatever cookout James’ is having.</p><p>“Nat, where the hell are you?” you pause at the back door looking out over the yard. Several picnic tables are set up around a large in ground pool. There is a fire pit and grill that looks like its brand new. Bucky is leaned over the grill in a tank top with his hair tied back in a small bun at the nape of his neck. You are shocked to see a black metal arm in place of the one he lost. After the accident he refused to even talk about prosthetics. Now he could be the poster child for them.</p><p>“Answering your door James,” she teased.</p><p>“Don’t call me that. I hate it,” he demands. He still hasn’t turned around and you watch as the woman, Nat apparently, walks to his side. “Who was at the door? Steve and Peggy?”</p><p>“No not them but I'm not sure who she is. She says she’s an old friend,” Nat shrugged your way. As if it’s slow motion Bucky turns. He’s still as handsome as ever. He’s got a bit of stubble and sheen of sweat on his brow, but nothing could ever really make him look unattractive. The moment your eyes meet his demeanor changes and you won’t lie and say it doesn’t sting. He becomes guarded and your own heckles raise in anticipation.</p><p>“What?” he says almost in disbelief before stepping away from Nat. You don’t move, “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“I think you know exactly why I’m here,” you hold out the papers. “You need to sign these. I’m tired of you ignoring my lawyer.”</p><p>“Oh shit,” Nat comments her eyes wide. “Your Y/N.”</p><p>“Nat!” Bucky says in warning but doesn’t look away from you. “I’m not signing shit. Get out.”</p><p>“Jesus Christ, James. Sign our fucking divorce papers,” anger surges in you that he has the audacity to act upset.</p><p>“You need to leave,” he moves past you back to the house. “If you’re not gone when I get back I’m calling the police.”</p><p>“My brother’s the sheriff. Remember?” you yell at him as he stomps back into the house. "Fuck."</p><p>“So you’re the infamous Y/N Barnes?” Nat is now directly beside you but is holding out a beer. “It’s a pleasure.”</p><p>“It’s just Y/N I’m no longer Mrs. Barnes.” You take the beer taking a long drag from the bottle. “It’s nice to meet you though.”</p><p>“Pleasures all mine. Buck talks about you a lot and it’s nice to put a face to the name.”</p><p>“James talks about me?” you look at her oddly. “I’m sure that’s good news.”</p><p>"He told me that that you used to sew your own dresses and that you could sing like no one's business. He said you used to let him rest on your lap and you sing to him when he had bad days," she says matter of factly. It's surprising to hear because those things are true but you hadn't expected Bucky to tell people about them.</p><p>"Well," you sigh taking another sip of the beer. "Lot of good it did."</p><p>Natasha went to say something else but the door opened and Bucky walked out flanked by two men you didn't recognize, "She's trespassing."</p><p>“She looks harmless,” the tall thick blond one said. Aviator sunglasses covered his eyes but you had no doubt he was smirking at Bucky by his stance.</p><p>“I don’t know brother,” the slim black haired man beside him speaks up. “I think she’s got a bit of fight.”</p><p>“I’m standing right here,” you spit. “Bucky, why are you making this an issue? This is what you wanted.”</p><p>“Oh,” the two men exhale in unison.</p><p>“She’s Steve’s sister boys,” Nat announces from behind you.</p><p>           “The Sheriff’s sister,” the dark haired one’s interest seems peaked. “Single?”</p><p>           “Engaged?” you hold up your hand just to watch Bucky’s eyes widen. You can’t make out what his expression means but it breaks your heart so you look away.</p><p>           “Oh lucky fellow,” the dark haired one approaches checking out the ring. “Flawless. Loki Odinson and that’s my brother Thor. It’s a pleasure Miss.”</p><p>           “Y/N Rogers.”</p><p>           Thor shakes your hand, “And your fiancé?”</p><p>           “Tony Stark, the tech developer in New York.”</p><p>           There is a moment of silence around the ground and Natasha breaks, “Wow awkward.”</p><p>           “What’s awkward?” you ask but no one will answer but they all look at Bucky.</p><p>           “Just you in general,” he answers offering a glare as a form of silencing the others.</p><p>           You finish the beer and toss it into the trash can next to Bucky. To his defense he doesn’t even flinch, “Are you done?” He asks as if you’re the problem.</p><p>           “Sign our divorce papers so I can move on James. Why won’t you let me go? You wanted me gone and I left so just finish it!” you demand. Bucky will not make you cry. No one moves or says a word but the standoff between you and Bucky is palpable with tension.</p><p>           “Hey guys we need help unloading!” you’d recognize your brother’s voice anywhere, which is exactly what you had wanted to avoid. Why did Bucky have to complicate everything?</p><h2>
  <b>FIVE YEARS AGO</b>
</h2><p>“Y/N the dish isn’t going to cook any faster. Come sit down,” Peggy’s hand was warm on your back.</p><p>           “I just want everything to be ready when he gets home,” you sigh placing the oven mitt on the counter. “Bucky needs to know nothing is going to change and that we have each other. I don’t want him to think I won’t love him now.”</p><p>           “Bucky Barnes think the apple of his eye Y/N doesn’t love him? You’ve gone mad.”</p><p>           “Things have been bad since we lost the baby, Peg. He’s pulling away from me. I don’t know what this is going to do.”</p><p>           “Bucky is going to heal and he’ll want you to be next to him the whole time.”</p><p>           “I hope so.”</p><p>           “They’re here,” Sam called from the living room. Peggy squeezed your shoulder and followed you as Sam opened the door. Steve stepped through carrying two bags and Bucky moved in behind him.</p><p>           Bucky’s blue leather jacket hung on his shoulders. There was still some bruising from the wreck but it was yellowing now. He hadn’t shaved but he was home. He was alive and home. He offered a smile but you could tell it was forced. He allowed Steve to take his jacket and looked around at everyone but no one looked. He seemed to relax and took a seat on the end of the couch.</p><p>           “I’ve got dinner in the oven.” You spoke up. “Should be done in about a half hour and I’ve made your favorite dessert Buck.”</p><p>           He looked up at you, “Thank you Doll.” He smiled at you and it’s probably the first time he’d done that since you’d lost the baby.</p><p>           “Well I’m going to head out,” Sam announced. “I wanted to make sure the Punk made it home but I’ve got to get some things done.”</p><p>           Steve walked Sam to the door and Peg went back in the kitchen to check the roast you assumed. Tentatively you approached your husband. It had be a tense few weeks but you had slowly been speaking more. You took a seat on the sofa next to him. You reached over and placed your hand on his knee with a soft squeeze.</p><p>           “Don’t do that,” he demanded. His voice was hard now, “Don’t sit there.”</p><p>           “Bucky,” you began but he looked over cutting you off. “I don’t want you to sit next to my stump. Move and I’ll move down and you can sit here.”</p><p>           You stand and he moves to the middle cushion before grabbing your hand and pulling you to next to him. He wraps his arm around your shoulders and buries his nose in your hair, “I’m sorry Doll.”</p><p>           “For what Bucky?” you’re confused because the accident wasn’t his fault. “The accident wasn’t your fault and we’ll get through this. I’ll be by your side always.”</p><p>           “I know doll and that’s why I’m sorry. We lost our baby and I pushed you away. I hurt you and don’t say I didn’t. I love you. I’m sorry.”</p><p>           “It’s okay Bucky,” your hand comes up cupping his face. You turn and he’s waiting his lips brushing against yours. The kiss is long overdue and everything you’ve needed. He still wants you. He pulls away tears gathering but you kiss his cheeks collecting the tears, “We’ll be okay.”</p><p>           “I know Doll. With you I can do anything,” he kisses you again. He moves then and lays down resting his head on your thigh. Your fingers absent mindedly weave through his tresses and you promise yourself to give him a proper shower soon. He hums, “Will you sing for me? One of those old romantic songs you love?”</p><p>           “Yeah Buck,” you are delighted. “I’ll sing for you anytime baby.”</p><p></p><blockquote>
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    <em>Like a river flows<br/>Surely to the sea<br/>Darling, so it goes<br/>Some things are meant to be</em>
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    <em>Take my hand<br/>Take my whole life too<br/>For I can't help falling in love with you</em>
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</blockquote><p>           Bucky hums along drifting off on your lap. The moment is everything you’ve craved in the span of grief since losing your child and in many ways your husband. Looking down at Bucky as he rests peacefully all you can promise is that you’ll never stop loving him.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Broken Vows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Your brother, Steve, knows you’re back home but doesn’t have the slightest idea that Bucky hasn’t signed his divorce papers. Revelations are made and we discover the reason Y/N ran away to New York.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A/N: All errors are my own, gifs/photos found on Google unless noted above, and as always thank you so much for reading! See A/N at end of chapter. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
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      </p>
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  </div>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Looking at Steve now no one would believe what a scrawny sickly boy he was. Despite the fact he was older people often mistook you for his older sister. Then puberty hit and that was all she wrote. He finally had the means to back up his tough talk and look out for the little guy. You’d always admired your big brother. He was one of the constants in your life and a hero in your opinion. However, one should never underestimate the anger of a good man. In fact, at this moment you’d rather see Steve’s ‘<em>I’m not mad just disappointed</em>’ face. At least with that face you knew how to handle your brother.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well, someone want to tell me what’s going on?” Steve stood with his arms crossed between you and Bucky. Both of you were seated on opposite ends of the couch refusing to make eye contact with one another or even your brother.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“He didn’t sign his divorce papers,” Nat speaks up. She’s sitting on the kitchen counter legs swinging sipping on a beer. You don’t know whether it’s the same bottle or a new one.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Nat,” Bucky growls but that’s about it.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What? You two aren’t talking and Steve asked a question.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Y/N?” Steve looks down at you.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You didn’t tell me you were coming home.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No I didn’t because I shouldn’t have had to have come home. You can thank your asshole friend over there,” you jerk your thumb at Bucky refusing to look at him. “He wouldn’t</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>sign the papers or return my lawyer’s phone calls so I had to come down here. I have shit going on. I’m missing five shows to be here. That’s a lifetime on Broadway.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Broadway?” Nat interrupts again. “That’s impressive.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Nat,” Steve groans. “Can you please go outside?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Party pooper,” she pouts but hops down heading outside. More people have gathered and someone is playing music but once the door is closed the music is muffled.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Steve this doesn’t really concern you,” Bucky stands crossing his arms. His posture is almost a direct mirror of Steve’s own.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“She’s my sister Punk so it does concern me. Why didn’t you sign the papers? Hell, why didn’t you tell me you didn’t sign them?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why didn’t you tell me who her fiancé is?” Bucky dishes back at Steve’s tirade. Steve freezes stepping back. “Yeah that’s what I thought.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What is the big deal about Tony? He’s a great guy.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah he’s amazing,” Bucky fumes.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bucky,” Steve’s voice is soft now and Bucky quiets leveling a glare at your brother.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve and Bucky could always communicate without words. They’re doing it now and it’s frustrating. You sigh letting your head fall into your hands. There is a tiny headache brewing but you try to take deep breaths. When you look back up Steve comes over kneeling and pulls out a tiny pill bottle, “Still getting headaches?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Starting one,” you take the pills and take them dry, thankful they are the coated kind. “Steve just tell your buddy to sign the papers. I’m going back to the car.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve doesn’t try to stop you as you take the papers dropping them on the coffee table right where Bucky is staring. Without another word you leave the house moving across the lawn to your car. Why didn’t you bring Wade with you? Why didn’t you bring Tony? The car engine rumbles to life and you check your phone finding three missed calls from Tony and a barrage of messages from Wade, Pepper, and Vanessa.</p>
</div><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <strong>W: Tony called me looking for you.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <strong>W: Apparently he’s not buying that you are having a girl’s weekend somewhere.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <strong>W: Y/N! HELP!</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <strong>W: HOLY FUCK HE’S AT MY DOOR!!!</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <em>
      <strong>P: Y/N are you okay? Tony’s worried. He tried sending flowers and you’re not at the spa.</strong>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <em>
      <strong>P: Is something wrong?</strong>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <em>
      <strong>P: Just let me know you’re okay. I’ll try to calm Tony down.</strong>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><blockquote class="">
  <p>
    <strong>V: Wade is trying to flirt with Tony. It’s awkward.</strong>
  </p>
</blockquote><div class="">
  <p>“Shit!” you dial Tony’s number quickly placing the phone to your ear. This day went to hell so much faster than you thought.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’d better be in a ditch somewhere,” Tony greets calmly.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Baby I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad. I’m fine I swear.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I told you she was fine,” Wade calls from the background and thankfully you hear Vanessa shushing him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m not mad, just worried. Where are you? Why couldn’t you call?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>Don’t lie. Don’t lie.</em> Your brain screams but you’re an idiot, “My sister in law got sick. She was supposed to come and it’s bad so I flew home to check on her and brother.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“And you couldn’t tell me? Or let me fly you down? Still afraid for me to meet your brother? Are you ashamed of me?” Tony sounds exasperated. You hadn’t wanted him to meet Steve until the wedding. Since Peggy told you that Steve and Bucky remained close you thought it would be awkward. You didn’t account for Tony feeling like it was because of him.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh god no. Do you really believe that Tony? That’s not the reason at all. I love you so much and I really don’t care whether Steve does or not. I just thought we’d wait until the wedding. Oh baby.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh good,” Tony sounds completely relieved.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m sorry I should have called.” You put your head down on the steering wheel. “I love you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I love you too. How is the sister in law?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“She’s better. I’m not really sure what happened but she’s resting.” Lie. Lie. Lie. This relationship is being filled with your lies. Fuck.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What can I do?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Have a drink. Relax and I’ll be home soon.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I wish you were here now. I’m going to have to force Pepper to go clubbing.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Don’t do that to Pepper.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“She’s used to it. Okay call me later. I love you beautiful.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I love you baby.” The phone line goes off and you sigh sitting up and quickly texting apologies to Wade, Vanessa, and most of all Pepper.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Someone knocks on the window and you look up to find Steve. You open the door and Steve steps back before opening his arms. You don’t hold back throwing yourself into his arms and wrapping your arms around him almost like you’re clinging to him. Well, not like, you are literally clinging to your brother like you did when you both watched your mom pass in the hospital. In fact, you don’t even realize you are crying until Steve leans down kissing your forehead.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re okay sweetie. You’re okay.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why does he keep hurting me?” the question spills out and you don’t even realize that’s what you keep feeling. Bucky kept hurting you. Even after all the years and miles he was still finding ways to twist the proverbial knife.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I don’t know. I want to believe he doesn’t mean to but sometimes I don’t know what is going on in Buck’s head,” Steve answers. “I’ll try to get him to sign the papers. I didn’t realize he hadn’t.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You sniffled stepping back quickly wiping away the tears, “Neither did I.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well as much as I know you don’t want to hear it. It’s nice to have you back home.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Miss me?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You have no idea. Come on let me get Peggy and we’ll head home.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“No, I can’t ask you to leave whatever this is,” you wave to the cars parked along the street in front of Buck’s home. “My room still available?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“The key is in the same spot.” Steve bends down kissing your forehead. “We won’t be long. I’m going to make him sign the papers.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I hope so.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve holds the door as you settle back in the car. You pull away as he waves not paying attention to Bucky who stands on the porch eyes watching your car grow smaller and smaller. He doesn’t look away until you’ve turned and he no longer sees the vehicle. Steve stops short crossing his arms again.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I don’t want to hear it.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well Bucky what the hell? Are you going to sign the papers?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Mind your business Steve.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Y/N is my business. Why are you doing this?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Doing what?” Bucky snaps frustrated with Steve, with himself.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why didn’t you sign the papers Buck? It’s been years and she’s moving on. She should move on after what happened.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I know. I know I fucked up Steve. I know I should let her go.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“It’s not should Bucky. Not anymore. You will sign the papers and that’s the end of it. Y/N’s engaged and she deserves to have the happy ever after you took from her.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Fuck you Steve.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bucky storms back into the house leaving Steve staring after him. Nat holds out a beer that Bucky takes before taking two steps at a time up to the master bedroom. He slams the door just needing a minute to himself. Half of the beer is already gone by the time he sinks onto his mattress. He reaches over opening the bedside table pulling out the picture frame that has your wedding photo in it. He sits the beer on the table and cradles the frame a stray finger tracing over the outline next to you. The dress you made hoping to hide your small bump, the child that you both lost.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why do I keep fucking everything up?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re still in love with her?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bucky freezes before he feels Steve take a seat next to him. Neither says a word but when Steve reaches for the photo Bucky allows his friend to take it. Steve smiles at the memory of that day. He’d been so mad at you and Bucky but when you said your vows he knew it didn’t matter. Bucky would’ve married you pregnant or not. Steve hands it back.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’ll always love her Steve. But sometimes love isn’t enough. I vowed a long time ago to keep her heart safe and I destroyed it. I let her grieve our child alone and then blamed her for their death and for this,” his flesh hand grips the wrist of the metal prosthetic. “All she ever did was love me.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bucky,” Steve doesn’t know what else to say. He never knew exactly what happened between you and Bucky. All he did know is he had come home to your suitcases on the porch and you sobbing in Peggy’s arms. You never said what happened and then you were gone to New York.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“This was all for her. The work I’ve done and this house,” Bucky looked around the bedroom. Like the rest of the house, the room looked like something from a catalog. It was barely lived in and had little personality but he wanted you to decorate it. “Did you know she was seeing Stark?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve sighed, “I knew they were dating. The engagement caught me off guard but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to pick a fight at your meeting on Friday.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“How am I supposed to work with the man who’s marrying my girl?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Buck. She’s not your girl anymore.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m not signing the papers. I can’t. Not yet.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bucky it’s not a request. You’ve had years to made amends and you didn’t. She’s moving on. If you love her you’ll let her.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bucky couldn’t respond to that because it was true. He was being a selfish prick but he couldn’t help himself. You were the love of his life. He ruined it that was without question but he couldn’t bear the idea of you with someone else. Steve looked at him waiting for an answer or something but Bucky had nothing to offer.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’ve got one more day Bucky,” there is anger in Steve’s voice as he stands. “You’re my friend but she’s my sister. One day to sign the papers or I’m sending Peggy back for it and trust me you don’t want that.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve slams the door shut nearly as hard as Bucky had leaving the dark haired man alone once more. He swallows roughly putting the wedding photo away and polishing off the lukewarm beer. He closes his eyes remembering the day he’d finally ran you off. He’d been so insecure and filled with self-hatred that he turned it on you. Bucky could never forgive himself for that day but he hoped he could eventually make amends.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <h2>
    <strong>THEN</strong>
  </h2>
</div><div class="">
  <p>A sense of peace had finally returned to you and for the most part so had your husband. Every other night he curled into your lap and let you sing him to sleep. Bucky was coming to terms with the accident and had even begun taking online classes at some university. The plan before you got pregnant was that he would go to college in New York and you’d do some work to make it to Broadway. You’d always dreamt of being on Broadway and Bucky was more than supportive. Now that he was taking classes it seemed that your lives were veering back into the original track.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>On the two month anniversary of his accident, things started going downhill. Bucky had been worried about his missing arm so thinking you were helping you’d met with his doctor. Prosthetics were getting better and better every year and it couldn’t hurt to see if Bucky qualified. You’d done a lot of research and found three different organizations that would be happy to work with Bucky. Two of them even seemed interested in the fact he wanted to be an engineer.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bucky,” you called sitting down next to him as he put away his laptop. “How was the exam?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I got an A.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’m so glad baby. There is something else I wanted to talk about.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yeah,” he looked up with a small smile. “What’s going on?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Well I was doing some research about prosthetics. Since your classes will eventually be hands on I thought we had time for you to adjust to it. I contacted some places and thought we could take a look at them. This one is from Stark Industries and it’s the most promising with seamless integration or something. I don’t know the technical aspects. But the woman I spoke with said they were always looking at new engineers and they’d be excited to meet with you. They even have a program where you can work and go to school.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bucky was quiet and didn’t look up for a long moment. He took the papers and you panicked. Maybe you could have worded it better or just let Steve bring it up. Bucky looked through them settled on the Stark file looking at what appeared to be schematics of a prosthetic leg.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What the fuck is this?” Bucky finally says. He stands up leaving you blindsided. “I don’t need this shit. There isn’t anything wrong with me. I thought you’d love me no matter what.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bucky, of course, I love you,” you feel like your heart shatters. You stand taking his hand into yours and placing your free hand on the side of his face, “I will love you until the whole universe turns back to dust. There is nothing that could stop that.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I don’t want a prosthetic. I don’t need some artificial thing on my body.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Okay then no prosthetic,” you smiled leaning up and kissing his cheek before wrapping your arms around him tightly. Bucky was rigged but you just held him tighter. “I love you Bucky.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bucky was quiet he didn’t say anything. You slowly pulled back immediately regretting it. Bucky’s eyes were cold staring straight ahead. Once your arms dropped he turned leaving the room without a second glance. You didn’t know what to do so you focused on cleaning up the information you’d gathered on prosthetics angry at yourself for thinking it was a good idea.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Steve and Peggy were in the kitchen working on dinner when you came in throwing the papers in the trash, “What’s wrong?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I thought I was helping,” you sunk into one of the kitchen chairs. “I just want to support Bucky and I thought he might be interested in a prosthetic arm. I figured he could get used to it before hands on training for his classes. I just want him to be comfortable. He thinks I don’t love him.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Oh love,” Peggy coos kneeling beside you. “He knows you do he’s just healing and sometimes that means outbursts. Bucky loves you and you love him. We’ve known that since high school.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Things were so bad before his accident Peggy. I don’t want to lose him.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I’ll go talk to him.” Steve squeezed your shoulder and went off in search of your husband. Peggy made you a cup of tea and sat down holding your hand.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>By dark, Steve and Bucky had still not resurfaced and you were tired. Peggy wished you goodnight and you went upstairs changing into your sleepshirt and crawling in bed. You tossed and turned for a while but Bucky never came to bed. The next morning you woke to find Bucky sleeping. You’d never felt him come to bed but there was a space between you that brought tears to your eyes. Peggy and Steve had gone to work and you’d be alone today.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>The bacon sizzled and you cracked two eggs into the hot pan. You’d enjoyed cooking and hoped breakfast in bed may smooth things over between you and Bucky. You’d decided to apologize for bringing up the prosthetic and hope that Bucky accepted so you could return to the relative peace you’d had with each other since he came home. The toaster beeped and you grabbed the toast buttering it and placing it on the plate. As a little gesture of romance you even snagged a flower and placed it on the little tray before taking it and heading up to you bedroom.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Bucky was on his back. His right arm was resting over his face. He looked peaceful and for a moment you just stopped admiring your husband. Since yesterday a nasty feeling had settled in your stomach but hopefully you could find what had been broken. You sat the tray down and moved to his side of the bed. There was enough space for you to sit and you did taking his hand and gently lowering his arm from his face. He looked so young now.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bucky,” you gently nudged him. “Baby, wake up.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “Y/N,” he murmured with a smile appearing and disappearing just as quickly.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “I got you breakfast Buck.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Bucky sat up running his hand through his tresses, “I need a haircut.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “I kind of like it long. You long handsome,” you flirt and the barely there smile returns to his face.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “What if I shaved my head?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “You’d still be handsome. You’d probably look handsome no matter what your hair looked like.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “What about with one arm?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           You shrugged, “Still handsome. There is nothing that could happen that would make me thing you were anything less than perfect.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Bucky snorts, “You’re so full of shit.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “No I’m not. What if I had no hair, or no arm?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Bucky stiffened then jerked his head up. His gaze was hard, angry, “Don’t joke like that.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “I’m sorry,” things had been going so well.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “You’re sorry? Is that all you can ever say is your sorry?” Bucky shouts so loud you jump stepping away from the bed. He startled you but you know Bucky would never hit you. He stands pacing in front of you.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “Sorry this. Sorry that. I’m sorry didn’t save our baby Y/N. Sorry won’t bring my arm back. I’m so sick of you saying I’m sorry I could fucking scream!”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “Bucky?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “Shut up,” he screams. “I can’t do this anymore. I can barely look at you. I’ve had your back since we were kids but I can’t keep going.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “What are saying?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Bucky’s back was to you as you asked the question. His shoulders heaved as he took several breaths. He spun and as he did he pushed the tray of breakfast so hard it crashed to the floor. Tears spilled down your cheeks as Bucky stood over you.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “You’ve been a stain on my life and I can’t do it anymore. I thought marrying you would be the honest thing to do since you were pregnant but you couldn’t even protect our baby. I don’t want to see you, hear you, or touch you ever again. You’re the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           It feels like cold ice washes over you as you watch Bucky’s retreating form. You slide down the wall hands clutched tight to your chest feeling like you can’t even breath. You were a mistake to Bucky. Your Bucky didn’t want you anymore. The pain you felt after losing your child flared again. He was right. You couldn’t even protect your child. You had to get out of here.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Peggy arrived home just as you sat two suitcases at the door. The tears hadn’t stopped and you couldn’t tell her what happened only that you were leaving. In a mad dash you’d packed everything you could into two suitcases and called your friend Wade from New York. You’d met him one year at theater camp and had remained in contact in the event you ever made it to New York. Once he heard what happened he told you that he had room for you. It was settled. You wouldn’t be a stain on Bucky and burden on your brother. It was time for you to grow up and move on. Maybe you weren’t destined to have the happily ever after with Bucky. Perhaps he was right about you being his mistake but maybe he was yours too. You quickly ignored that thought. You’d never love anyone like you loved Bucky. Even though his words cut deep it didn’t matter. Your heart belonged to James Barnes, your Bucky.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Bucky watched from his hiding space in the guest room. He couldn’t believe he had said such vile things to you. He was the stain, not you. You needed him and all he had managed to do was hurt you. He watched as Steve tried to talk you out of leaving but he could tell by your face that you were already gone. He kept losing everything he loved and he had no one to blame but himself. Steve and Peggy found him and he’d managed to clean up his tears and appear unaffected.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “What happened?” Peggy demanded refusing to let Bucky look away. “What did you say?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “The truth, Peggy, and it doesn’t matter now. Y/N was trapped here by me in this marriage and she deserves better.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “You have to be the biggest idiot I know,” Steve laments. “You broke her heart Bucky. I warned you.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           “There’s nothing you can do or say that I don’t deserve. What matters now is that she’ll be okay. She’s going to go make her dreams come true and some crippled high school sweetheart won’t hold her back. Now leave me alone.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>           Bucky pushed past the two and into your room. It felt so empty now even though not much had changed. He sat on the bed and curled up on the pillow like he would’ve in your lap. Already he missed the gentle tug of your fingers in his hair and the soft songs you’d sing to him. He reached for the photo on your table realizing one was missing. The photo from the night of your prom was gone. The wedding photo remained but the picture Steve had snapped after you’d both been woken up was one of your favorites. The fact it was gone made his chest ache. He snatched the wedding photo and rested it against your pillows so he could keep looking at it. Bucky fell asleep trying desperately to remember the good times. His life was ruined but he couldn’t ruin yours.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N 2: I made an error in regards to Natasha in the previous chapter. It was my intention that Clint was seeing Laura in the prologue to establish Natasha as a new person in Chapter Two. However, when I was fact checking myself I saw that I wrote Natasha so please ignore that. Y/N doesn’t know Natasha until Chapter Two. Thank you and apologies!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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